looking forward unable to

I feel so alone so I try to think of something to look forward to but I'm weak ill and unable to take care of myself there are so many things I can't do on my own and all I can think of is when mom dies or can't function any longer the only people that could still help me don't have time for me, like me, or are abusive towards me and me to them. I keep trying to tell myself that every thing could change for the better but I don't see how. Even now with my mom that really wants to help me I can't even get a simple form filled out. I have to ask many times trying to do it in a way that makes them help me but I'm really not good at it. I know I'm to needy and I can never seem to be grateful enough. I know that some people will read this and think well I can read and write well enough to write this but it takes a lot of work as of now it's been an hour and I haven't even started to proofread it even then I will miss a lot of things. Writing is really hard but sometimes it helps and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I know that I'm selfish and weak willed and bodyed. Why am I just smart enough to know how bad things are and will be?