Visions of stories

I feel like even if I don't understand something someone out there does.

Sometimes it is even something I have made and I don't fully understand it.

Even if they don't now. They will one day.

Sometimes it's just a feeling or a moment. Like a little window into a world that may go on forever or maybe only exist in that moment.

I often see glimpses of stories in my mind without knowing what has come before or what will come after just a moment a Feeling a window into a world that may never be.

Expressing these moments in words can be quite challenging for me.

Is the lake Frozen does it look like glass or is there snow drifting across it. I know what things feel like but I don't necessarily know what the right word is to convey the feelings and Sensations that I experienced When the Thought passed through my mind.

Sometimes these images and feelings pass without me remembering that they even happened and other times they stick in my mind as if begging to be written.

To take these little threads of moments that my imagination created almost spontaneously without even me willing it or thinking about it.

To find their Tangled unraveled ends and weave it into a proper story ultimately appreciate it for what it is and Let It Go to be a story that never was to be.

I used to make up all sorts of stories to amuse myself. But I find translating things into words quite challenging.

Even organizing my thoughts into coherent sentences can be challenging at the moment. As I have become a frequently ill and unable to think coherently. I do not have a well-ordered mind and I do not know if I could ever make a well-ordered story that others might enjoy.

But there is something within me that makes these stories and characters and little scenes because I spent so much of my life creating stories to entertain myself and have the sorts of things that I couldn't seem to have in this life.

I have repeatedly trying to write stories down. I think that if I had started out with a good speech to text technology I might have been able to compose short stories at least by now. But as it is having both dyslexia and a completely disorganized mind I start and stop makeup worlds and a whole genealogy of characters only to get discouraged and Confused to give up yet again.

My mind just makes up stories. And I've gotten to the point where I'm not even sure if they are for anyone other than myself.

I enjoy them and I think for now that is enough for me.

As I feel helpless, thoe compelled I may be, but to be unable to convey them outside of my own mind and body.

Although I do firmly believe that stories matter. I remain unconvinced that I will be able to accomplish much of anything.

Although occasionally I do leave little Snippets here and there of stories I hope that someone one day will feel something about or understand even if I do not or cannot convey the depths of my inspiration.

I sometimes have these words repeating in my mind I was just begging to be written down formed into a sentence or story or thought or an idea.

I have now learned that is a form of equilalia and it has to do with being neurodivergent.

Like the words that I kept thinking in my head that may be writ this post where

" even if I don't understand someone does. Even if I don't understand someone will. Even if I don't understand it still makes me feel something even if I don't know what that is or why."

I like spoken words even though I have dyslexia and I'm not very good with the written word. Do not think that I am particularly eloquent or original. I find trying to put things into words that I do not experience as words difficult.

There's so many words that I know that I could use but I often do not feel as if I have the right ones to convey things properly.

I know that part of writing is rewriting and I must confess I'm not particularly good at that either. I find reading very challenging. And I think quite fast even when I'm struggling to put things into words.

I feel that even whenever I think that I have chosen the right words I seem to still failed to communicate properly with other people.