Finding out I'm Neurodivergent has saved me

Finding out the I am neurodivergent has saved me.

I thought I was a bad person but I couldn't understand why.

People would tell me I was a bad person. That I don't have feelings. Even when they have seen me have meltdowns.

I could see that I make people unhappy but I couldn't understand why.

The Golden rule doesn't work if you're autistic.

I wanted to die. Everything people say helps stop depression does not work for a lot of neurodivergent people.

I often get sensory overload whenever I feel stressed or anxious so being in bright rooms or sitting outside is not a good idea I have to sit in the dark and interacting with people can make it even more stressful and I'm more likely to have depressive episodes.

It doesn't make things better.

I need to try to be able to control my sensory input and also try to find a way to entertain myself because of the ADD.

I have to have as much control over my environment as possible when dealing with stress anxiety or depression.

I don't want to die now that I know what's going on. Even though I still can't change a lot of the things that made me feel that way.

I still can't make people care about me. I can't make them want to learn why I am the way I am. I still can't stop myself infodumping or being honest.

But I feel better knowing I'm not alone. To have people I can relate to online is a big deal for me.

I could never hate them the way I use to hate myself. I would never let anyone talk to them the way I have let people talk to me. And I wouldn't want them to believe the kinds of horrible things people have told me that I am and if that I believed.

I would never let someone have to go through the things I have.

I might have to stay away for most people so I don't make them unhappy but it is not to punish myself. I don't have to disappear from the world to make it a better place.

I am a good person and the world needs people like me in it.

I can live happily with the small number of people that care about me and I don't make unhappy.

And people that want to hurt me because my body language or tone isn't right or I couldn't find the right words to say. They can stay away from me.

I have never needed people in my life that need me to be pathetic or humiliated.

I have a lot of disabilities I should not have to act pathetic or groveling in order for people to believe that I have them.

I have learning disabilities I should not have to try to figure out how people think I'm supposed to act or be with the learning disability. The very fact that I have learning disabilities means that I am always acting like someone that has them because I literally have them.

I am done with people that think it's fun to just bully and harass me.