Being a writer?

I was listening to an audiobook about what it is to be a writer

I have always been fascinated by words

even though I have dyslexia

and have always found the written language challenging

Since I was little I have often made up stories in my head

Sometimes I would act them out with dolls or seem to be playing them out with imaginary people

Dancing with the fairies ect.

But As I Grew Older I often would just sit still or lay down and think up stories in my head

I don't make up stories as much in my head in the past few years

It might be the stress Supreme chronically ill or even the medication that I'm on

But even though I love other people's stories and listening to audiobooks and watching TV shows Etc.

As I am a woman that's getting older that doesn't have children and isn't married

I find most stories unrelatable

And I feel frustrated by it

It's not that I need the characters to be me to have my life Etc.

They just don't ring true for me in some ways

And the ones that do like I often find over stimulating or anxiety inducing

An exciting or funny story can cause me to feel overstimulated and stressed or even exhausted

Don't get me wrong it's not the books or TV shows that's the problem it's my nervous system

So I wish to write something for myself from time to time

And I'm also separated from my beloved friend that I wish that I could write for as well

As I am chronically ill

so there's not much going on in my life right now

So I think writing to her about my life would be quite depressing and I wish that I could write something entertaining for her too

I had always fancied that I'd write a book after I was 40 and I have just turned 40 last month

So I was thinking about writing again

I know that I've been blogging a lot lately but that's primarily because I feel the overwhelming need to communicate but I'm not sure if the people around would be willing to deal with the things that I need to communicate

Anyway back to what started my idea for this particular blog

I was listening to an audiobook about what it means to be a writer

This particular author believes that writers are born

However a lot of the traits that he outlined that a writer has are almost all autistic traits

Like being bad with people

Feeling alone and isolated

Using your imagination to cope with the needs that are not being met in the real world

Ect.

But he said that the primary thing that any writer needs is the compulsive need to write

And frankly I don't really have that

I do often write in journals and things

But I I'm proned towards not writing for months and sometimes even years at a time

I do find that writing helps me process my emotions and things

But that isn't really the kind of writing that I wish to learn to use

That kind of writing is really more about processing my emotions and the catharsis of the release of those emotions

When I make up stories in my head they are immersive

I feel the imagined world as if it were real

My imaginary worlds were often places that I would hide in during difficult and isolated times in my life

I have been experiencing a rare side effect of migraines where During the period around the migraines it affects the language center of my brain

I find it difficult to think in words and I have started stuttering

So why on Earth would I choose now to think about writing

With the arthritis in my hands and the other symptoms of my migraines as well as my traumatic experiences to do with the Visual Arts

I need something productive to try to do with my time

I've never thought that I would be a great writer or anything really

All I could ever do is to do the best I can and since I'm Ill that might not be much or even that frequent

I figured I'd try

Might forget all about this tomorrow though