Can't touch this

I have touch aversion

I don't like most people touching me

And if I don't like or trust the person it makes me feel ill and hit them to get them away from me

And long after they have stopped touching me I feel unclean

I want to scrub all my skin off even though I know it won't help

I have learned to just stay still when someone I don't want to touch me hugs me

I have to focus on not moving so I don't hit them and have a meltdown

But hours later I'm still having a panic attacks and feeling ill

I learned that I had to just deal with being huged by people

But people that are not good or safe for me shouldn't think they have the right to hug me

It is painful

I feel like my skin on fire and I want to throw up

I don't like being touched by most people

And if that person injoys hurting me and bullying me that is 10× worse

Cruel people should stay away from me

I should always be asked if it's OK to touch me

And you shouldn't want to hug people if it hurts them or makes them feel uncomfortable

I hope that one day I will feel like I have the right to tell people not to touch me with out feel like I'm going to start having a meltdown

Now I just freeze and try not to have a meltdown

I don't often have them I am more used to shutdowns and I am afraid to have a meltdown because I don't know what I'll do

I don't like even my own behavior to be unpredictable