I thought I was randomly sad

I thought I was randomly sad until I found out I have Autism and what I thought was sad was shutdowns and executive functioning difficulties. I have them for the same reasons other people with Autism have meltdowns. I can’t think, don’t know when I need to eat, or who I am any more. Even other people with Autism don’t seem to know about it.

I found out after looking into it that a lot of what I thought was depression are actually shutdowns. I don't know when I need to eat or sleep, sometimes I can't talk, I don't feel anything or know what I feel if I do. It follows the same pattern as meltdowns only its shutdowns. Now that I know what's causing it I'm trying to figure out ways to deal with it. Not knowing who you are or what you think or feel is so F'd up. I don't know if you have it too. Like I can't even cry even when I know I'm sad and should cry. If it is a shutdown it can get better if you know all the things that can cause them. For me it can be feeling to much even being to happy and lights or sounds. Before I know I had Autism I couldn't see the patter it seemed so random.

Just getting the word out.