Intimacy is complicated

At times I wish I didn't have these longings for other people

Sex makes things dreadfully complicated when you're autistic

Relationships of a intimate nature often expose the traits that a lot my culture dislikes and finds unacceptable

Even if it is something silly that impacts no one at all

I've never understood this if it makes someone happy why not just let them be happy

At times I wish I did not feel the need for the closeness of a physical relationships at all

But I am still unfortunately like most people I long for physical and emotional connection

I know that some autistic people do not long for companionship or physical intimacy but unfortunately I am not one of them

The longing is more intense sometimes than others

I wonder sometimes if those feelings will go away after menopause

But ultimately I have always known that I could never be with the wrong person

Both because I find it difficult to be around most people and also that most people find it difficult to be around me

One of the larger problems that I possess is that unfortunately I possess the autistic trait of having difficulty with being touched by people

This makes forming attachments quite difficult

I find that it can help sometimes if I feel like I can trust the person

but unfortunately whatever I like someone

that also brings forth a stressful change

and I am often overstimulated and prone to having panic attacks or shutdowns

And as I haven't been aware that I'm autistic for very long I didn't even know to inform people and request their patience or understanding