Learning thinking doing

I often think about doing things that I don't know how to do. Like writing. And comedy ect.

So I think if I don't know where to start then I should learn more to try to understand it.

I did it with knitting. I would look at this idiots guide to knitting until one day I felt like I could start trying. And I failed and gave up and then I'd try again and give up. Until I got the hang of it and then I made something unusable but I loved it so much because to me it showed that I kept at it. And now I can make most things knitting even if I don't know how to do everything I feel like I can say that I know how to knitting.

I suppose it's similar to my experience teaching myself to read. Starting out with comic books with pictures to help me guess what the words might be.

After the initial hurdle of understanding the smaller words it was understanding and decoding patterns to try to guess at what the other words would be.

I still have to do this and often if I can I will listen to audiobooks by that author before I try reading their work to understand the types of words that they use and they're writing style.

I still can't read comedy books that use wordplay or unpredictive situations. I love listening to the audio books but I can't read them because I don't know what the words mean that make up the joke. I can manage to decode the the setup but not the punchline.

I also cannot decode poetry for the same unpredictable reasons.

I have attempted to use my pattern recognition skills that I have because of being autistic and use them to compensate for my dyslexia.

Anyway I keep thinking about writing

so I learn about it

because I don't know where to start.

Honestly I don't even have any ideas of what I want to write right now. I'm feeling this underlying urge to do so. The same way that I felt when I wanted to learn to knit.

So I try to learn things about writing comedy so that one day when I'm fed up with looking at it and thinking about and be willing to try it even if I fail a lot.

After all I have to do something with my life and I can't work with my hands the way and I'm ill a lot.

Even though I am experiencing cognitive issues along with the physical symptoms.

I want to be able to tell the kinds of stories but the kinds I would like and also to spend my time doing something that I feel is worthwhile.

Even if it becomes a never-ending task. I have to do something with my life. And if I ever do manage to write the sorts of things that I would like to read that. I think that could be valuable to the world or at least to some people in it's anyway.

I don't really want to write things that are popular. I just want to write things that I would wish to read and that would give me pleasure and comfort in the world. And maybe even amuse my friends a bit as well.

It is not that I wish for the things that I make to be unpopular merely that I wish for them to be unique and free of the constraints that I think that things that are extremely popular have placed on them.

Being autistic I don't necessarily want the same things that everybody else wants in my culture and in the time that I live in.

I may desire to have a loving relationship where I feel close to the person but what that looks like might be different than most people's ideal.

Like what a person looks like doesn't seem to matter as much to me.

So I will keep thinking about it. And maybe one day I will be ready to try again and again ect.

I know that it needs to be funny but I don't know how to do that right now.

So I have more to learn.