Put off music

Growing up in a family full of music lovers and musicians really put me off music

And I have music going on almost all the time because I'm nordivergent

I wasn't allowed to touch anything to do with music because I will break it

Nun of the music I ever liked was good enough

When I was a teenager I listened to oldies so that they couldn't tell me that everything that I like was crap any more

There was always too many different sounds to ever be able to in joy any of them

If I made sounds they were always the wrong ones

If I danced then I did that wrong too

I just thought it should be in joyed but that always seemed to be wrong too

I can't stop myself from making up songs in my head

But I don't want to it just happens

Most of the time I don't even listen to music

It is just something that is happening in my head a long with every thing else

As an adult have never stopped listening to new music like most people my age

But I think a lot of that is missing a part of their life they feel is gone

Maybe it's because I don't have kids and for some reason I'm always hoping that there are better days to come

And I never was one to long for youth

I was depressed most of the time and working

I went to some concerts with my friend that weren't my brother's playing for once

But they were really loud to the point that I had to wear earplugs and they're always lots of horrible drunk people trying to start fights

And I frequently had things confiscated at the door that they told me they would give me back but then disappeared

Music can be fun sometimes

But it lives inside me too

It's not that I don't like music

It's just that I also find the way the people around me show that painful a lot of the time

I think it might be because if you have something you don't value it as much

I know I'm not a great song writer

I just don't mind that so much

Everything does have to be perfect for me to like it

And I don't have to like every song someone sings

Or go see them in person

Or know about bands before they were cool

I can just listen to music when I feel like it

and music that makes me feel good