School and autism

Autistic people often genuinely love to learn.

So it's really sad that schools often the place that we get bullied and harassed the most.

Sometimes it's students but it can also be teachers.

The trauma from school can sometimes kill the joy of learning.

And sometimes make us want to stop interacting with other people all together.

What were once beloved joyful Hobbies are now traumatic reminders and triggers.

It can take us years to even process this trauma well enough to recognize it.

And some wounds are so deep I fear they shall never fully heal.

I started this website as an art student. Having loved art my whole life thinking that I would go on to complete an art degree.

But now the only art I can do are crafts. Because the art teachers that traumatized me didn't consider that to be "real art".

I used to draw and paint and watch art history documentaries and go to museums and try to think of all manner of creative projects I could do.

Even when I failed which I often did I was so happy.

But now I have panic attacks and Trauma responses and flashbacks. I keep making excuses for why I don't make art like that anymore.

I know that I'm most likely not a great loss to the art world but it was something that brought me joy that I no longer have and in its place I have pain.

I can't even bring myself to do fancy craft work.

And I constantly try to avoid most human interaction because of it as well.

I think the only thing that's saved me is knowing I'm autistic.

Before them I didn't think there were really that many bad people around me.

But now I do think some people are just bad.

I used to make up any excuse I could think of why the person might be abusive towards me. Because that's what I was taught to do.

I used to think people could change for the better. But I don't even think most people want to anymore.

I know I shouldn't waste my time thinking about it.

But I'm not the only one this happens to and am most likely not the only student those teachers have done this to.

Honestly I'm not suggesting that autistic children or autistic adults not go to school many of us find it very rewarding if we can manage to avoid the harassment in bullying that can often come with it.

I met a lot of friends amongst the students when I attended College.

Perhaps we should be educated on what is harassment and bullying and also to figure out what our Panic responses might be.

And then at the first sign of them extricate ourselves from the situation.

But the school has to be willing to allow us to do that and make those decisions for ourselves.

I often feel the need to understand why it has happened or what I might have done to cause it. So it never happens again.

What could I have done to make someone I trusted turn on me. But they are just bad people that just don't care about me.

That almost always seems to be the answer.

They don't care about me so it's not only ok to hurt me but to them it seems to be a good thing to hurt me.

And I know no longer tell people that I have disabilities or that I have mental health problems.

The thing that bothers me the most is that people always see harassing and bullying autistic people I sort of one time things.

But I really hate the idea of that ever happening to anyone else.

Because I've joined autism groups and have interacted with other autistic people telling their difficulties.

When I thought it was just me I thought that ending my life was the answer.

But frankly it is unacceptable that my experiences with school are far too normal amongst the autistic community.

Sometimes it's just that people can't read the Expressions on our face so they assume that we must be lying or somehow making fun of them. Or info dumping is just showing off and trying to make your teacher feel stupid.

I don't think it's okay that this repeatedly happens to autistic people. Particularly at school turning beloved special interests into traumatic things that we try to avoid.

I do understand that this can happen at work as well. Which I can understand can be particularly hard if the person had a job that was attached to one of their special interests.

Oh and one of the cruelest things that you can do to somebody that has an invisible disability is to repeatedly say that they're lying about it.

Especially when you know full well they are not and would never lie about it.

and even if you don't know if the person has a disability or not you're still a horrible cruel person.

I'm not specifically thinking of autism although I do know that a lot of people seem to think that we are making it up as an excuse to be rude.

For me it is dyslexia. I often don't push autism because the event at school happened prior to my diagnosis.

And I have literally had family that were raised with me witnessed me my entire life struggling with it excuse me of lying and putting it on.

When you say that you don't only deny my entire life experience deny my struggles that I have overcome and all those tiny victories but we're so hard won.

My learning of disability is so significant but has affected my life profoundly. People act like it's knowing that you have a disability that limits you but it's not. I've never been able to fill out a job application without help. In my life it has been incredibly hard because of it.

I must say I find it difficult to fully trust anyone that has ever done this to me again.

I do in fact believe that it is an evil thing to do.

I don't use the word evil lightly or often but I do truly think that in this situation it is the right word.