The father that didn't like his child.

It's not that he did not love his child he did, he cared for her, he fed her he made sure she brushed her teeth before she went to bed, and all the things that fathers should do, but he just didn't like this child he couldn't help it. There was something not quite right about her she was boastful and bold called people fools even though she wasn't very old, she wasn't no, not at all, she was gross and weird, and he feared she might hurt her siblings in some way he was afraid for them each day. When her siblings hurt her, she'd see her father smile. She asked him why he said “they're standing up to you And I think that's good” and she said “I'm a little tiny child, They are all bigger and older than me, I'm not some scary evil villain why would they are afraid of me, they are hurting me and making me cry”.

Their family was big she supposed he couldn't like all his kids. She didn't do the things out of malice it's just who she was and the way she saw the world. She still loved him and sought his approval even though she knew it was unattainable. Her siblings were cruel, but she never seemed to understand the rules. What could she have said or done? She treated people the way they treated her. So, what did she do that was so wrong is it her tone her face that made her out of place? He even disliked the ways that she was like him. Sharing his hidden disability was the mark of shame it didn't make them closer he continued to hide it for years after she was diagnosed. Allowing her to feel isolated and alone in a world full of people that could read and do math and people that would laugh when she tried and couldn't.

He feared her temper would lead to her hurting her siblings, and she feared his When he would screamed at her for crying she would run hide.

She always listened and did the best she could to do as she was told she smiled even though she was unhappy she looked people in the eye when she'd rather not.

She didn't know why until after she was all grown up and he had died.

She sees the T shirts at the store that say “I’m the proud parent of a autistic child” that make her feel a bit uncomfortable and she knows that if he was still alive he'd probably be wearing one when she came to visit him, Because he always tried his hardest to be a good father.

Even though her “I loves” were afterthoughts when he said it to someone else in her presence he did mean it even though he couldn't understand her and didn't really like her.

In a way she is happy he’ll never know because he would feel bad and it would hurt him for not knowing all the things he couldn’t have known. He still wouldn’t really understand but he’d feel bad and be hurt by things he can’t change. She knows he was trying and doesn’t want him to have to feel that kind of pain.