The Melancholy truth

I wish sometimes I could be more hopeful and upbeat

The way my culture keeps telling me I should

But knowing facts and the truth helps me deal with things and make plans and Provisions for possible outcomes

I'm not at ease with unpredictability

Sudden changes can cause me to have breakdowns panic attacks Etc

So to me sharing facts is useful in the long run even if those facts may seem unpleasant right now

Hopefully

The more I know the more I'm able to deal with uncertainty and changes

I may not need to know the information now like how to make cheese or something but one day I might find it vitally important

I know that facts are not always the happiest things for other people to know

And the truth can often be painful

But without a firm foundation of Truth and facts

Most plans will fail or fall apart

I'm not against experimentation or something to innovate

But knowing what others have attempted before and they're relative successes or failures is always useful when devising your own plans as well

I know that a part of the problem

is that I am often prone to bouts of melancholy

And occasional apathy because I'm having shutdowns or executive dysfunction fogs

I do understand that people often find my contributions to be unwanted or distressing

But I find that I can be none other than what I am

Things that I think matter the most are often things that upset people

I want people to know that they aren't alone

Things like that have mattered so much to me

I have had to dealt with some dark matters in my life and to me they have become almost commonplace and normal

So what is to become of people like me

In this culture this I have to live in

But it doesn't wish to see serious minded dark or melancholy Souls like me

Especially in the guise of a woman

Women are meant to be cheerful caretakers and objects of Desire to be owned and mastered ect.

I had for many years endeavored to change to fit what the people around me and my culture demanded that I be

But unfortunately I cannot seem to be

And therefore the people around me on my culture do not view me favorably

Or wish to be in my presence

So I don't suppose there is much I can do about it

A melancholy seeker of Truth that spouts facts is all that I may be

No matter how much joy I'm a fine in life

Much of my humor is often perceived as dark or morbid as well

No matter how dark things get I have to find ways to find joy in life

Even if others do not agree

Others may not appreciate my nature

All that I can do

is be myself

and see this life through

Doing what I can and being who I am

The truth maybe melancholy or distressing but I still prefer it

When I can see a use for them